Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
