I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I forget how to act sober
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
