all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
