all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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