I hate your face
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
