She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
