I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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