: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
