too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
