This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
