just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
