Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
