you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
