Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
