i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
