I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
