My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
