he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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