R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
