Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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