fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
