goodnight i made you a song goodbye
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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