and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
