My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
