i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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