this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
