whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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