He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
