She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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