I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
