we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
