shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize