Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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