He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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