just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
