i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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