We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
