I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
