guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
