girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize