Don't make out with my wife yet
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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