Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
