i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
