he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
