I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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