Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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