dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
