Duck Duck Cougar?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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