I could have mohawked her pubes.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
ttyl tear gas
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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