So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
