I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
