it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
