Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize