Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
