We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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