Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
