Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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