Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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