I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
