Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
