Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize