Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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