Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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