It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
