i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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