Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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