i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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