Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
