I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
