Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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