Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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