Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
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he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think your dad took our porno
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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