if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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