I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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