i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
