What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
