I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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