is wine microwaveable?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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