No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
