I think i peed on brittanys purse
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
