CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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