it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
