If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
