So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
