The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
