Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just had sex on a roof
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
