I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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