theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
