So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
