You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
