She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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