No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize