i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
