just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
