All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
