Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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