the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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