She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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