Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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