Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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