Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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