I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
